I ain’t no kin’ uv cannerdate fur office here this fall;

I’m eout uv pollertics an’ sich, an’ eout fur good an’ all.

It hain’t no use in coaxin’ me, I won’t put down my name,

I ain’t a hankerin’ jest now fur town or county fame.

I’ve hed my fill uv pollertics, I know the whole durn thing,

An' Gungawamp will hev to run ‘ithout me in the ring.

A man thet ten’s tur bizzerniz, an’ keeps his farmin’ straight,

Ain’t got no time fur pollertics, an’ I’m no cannerdate.

No, no; tut, tut, yew unnerstan’, I’ve given yew my word;

Yew fellers air the mos’ persistin’ chaps I ever heard.

Well durn my boots, ef yew heng on, I’ll be a gittin’ riled,

An’ when I git my back up boys, I ain’t no peaceful child.

I’ve run fur s’lectman forty times, an’ twenty times fur clerk,

An’ every time some chap ‘ould bolt, – the ticket wouldn’t work.

I’ve jest concluded this ere fall, to shun yewr temptin’ bait;

I don’t warn’t none uv pollertics, an’ I’m no cannerdate.

O, yaas, yewr promerses are good, yewr argermunts are fine;

I‘ll “sweep the county”, an’ I’ll bring the “doubtful” intew line.

A hun’red cash will dew it all, yew think I’m purty green;

Yew air the mos’ persistin’ chaps thet I hev ever seen.

Now looky here, I tol’ yew once; I’m gittin’ purty mad,

Altho’ ef I could sweep the town, it wouldn’t be so bad.

Why, durn my boots, I b’lieve I kin, I’ll try at any rate;

Bring up some cider, Mary Ann, fur I’m a cannerdate!

Aug. 12, 1896

Pub. in Puck,

   Sep. 9, ‘96