English 22.
Joseph A, Cone.
First Year Special.
Theme #6, Due Dec.18, ’94.
This shows some ingenuity
of manipulation and some constructive skill. But the sentiment is obvious and conventional
and the love passages are not redeemed from grotesqueness by lightness of
treatment or humor. Jimmie is nearer being convincingly original than any other
part of your story.
Your style is gaining, but is still
occasionally bookish or fine, and at other times, cheap and conventional. Guard
specially against newspaper English and slang. You are also frequently inexact
or vague; not
that the reader cannot
make out your meaning; but keen analysis shows that you do not say with
precision what you
intend saying.
Rewrite p.2; revise the rest.
L. S. Gates
“Sweet Lavender”.
As she closed the door
and went down the stairs, lawyer Gray picked up the card which she had left
lying on his desk. “Mabel Wheatcroft,” it read.
“A pretty name,” he mused.
“but not so pretty as the one whose name it is.”
She had called in answer
to ‘Gray and Barton’s” advertisement in the morning “Herald”, for a typewriter,
and Mr. Gray had engaged her services.
“Please, sir,” said the
office boy, approaching the lawyer, “kin I go to de foot-ball game to-morrow?”
“No,” he replied,
resuming his writing.
“Hanged if I don’t fix
him fer dat,” said Jimmie Daly, to his chum who was waiting on the stairs.
Mabel
Wheatcroft had been in the office nearly a month. It is needless to dwell long upon
how young Gray fell in love with her; how he watched for her coming every
morning; how much more prompt he was at business, and how much better
everything went after she came. He fancied at times that she suspected his
feelings and was not displeased; but after all it was only not
quite clear he was not sure but that it was merely a fancy after all.
She was a very slender
girl, with short, curly brown hair, and laughing blue eyes. “Sweet Lavender,”
he called [ ß her in secret, because of the resemblance
she bore to the heroine in that charming little play. Wordy
Fortunately for Mr. Gray,
his partner, who was a handsome, easy-going fellow, and younger, was away to at
(or in) ? Not clear the Rangely’s for a month, so there were but
three in the office. He had made what he called good progress toward mooring Miss
Wheatcroft. They had frequently lingered in conversation Rather
“fine”. after
office hours, and one night she accepted an invitation to witness “Sweet
Lavender”, at the museum.
As they left the theatre,
the lawyer caught a glimpse of his office boy, who was peering at them from
amongst a crowd of gallery urchins.
The next day he resolved
to make known his love to Miss Wheatcroft.
Although he knew little of her outside of office work, he was quite willing to throw his fate into her hands. Owing to a blockade of street cars, The
sudden change jars. he was late at the office that
morning. Miss Wheatcroft merely nodded in answer to his cheery “good morning”,
and he noticed that she was pale and agitated. The boy was out, and putting
away his hat and coat, he stepped over to her desk. and said warmly.
“Miss Wheatcroft, Mabel,
if I may call you by Ý] that
name,” he said warmly, “I am going to speak to you this morning. Last night was
the happiest of my life. For a month I have been hoping, hesitating, and now, –”
but she stopped him with an impatient gesture of her hand.
“Mr. Gray,” she said,
coldly, I think you have gone quite far enough. What has already been done
cannot be helped, please say no more about it. Necessity compels me to continue
in your employ; otherwise I should leave immediately.”
“Leave my employ!” he
gasped, “why, what is the matter? What have I done? Surely there is some
mistake.”
“There was a mistake, on
my part,” she said with a touch of sarcasm in her voice.
Poor Gray was at loss what
to do or say. The boy X (was liable to) might flash in
at any moment, and he wished to have it? all
settled. He looked first at the door, then at the girl.
“Mabel,” he said, tenderly,
“I am disappointed. Do you remember ‘Sweet Lavender’? You are my ‘Sweet
Lavender’. For a month I have called you thus. You must have known of my
feelings towards you. Recall your words to me, or explain what they mean. I
demand it.”
She looked a bit
surprised at his earnestness, but none the less forgiving.
“It is you who should
explain, not I,” she said, spiritedly. “What right had you to take me to the
theatre while Mrs. Gray had to remain at the house, doctoring a croupy baby,
most likely?”
“Mrs. Gray? Baby? What on
earth do you mean?”
His innocent manner,
together with the horrendous look on his face puzzled and embarrassed her.
“What, have I, – is it
possible I have made a mistake?” she stammered; “aren’t you a – a married man,
with children?”
His immediate reply was a
hearty laugh.
““Married?”
I did have some hopes that I soon would be, but you destroyed them. How came
you to get such an absurd idea?” he asked.
“Why, Jimmy, here, told
me so this morning.”
“Confound his young skin!”
said Gray, impatiently; I’ll fix him when he shows up.”
Just then the postman
entered.
“Only one letter this
morning?”
“That’s all, sir,” said
the ex-soldier.
Tearing the envelope
open, the young lawyer read,
“Honnerbul Mister Gray –
I guess by dis time you have had as much fun as I did at the
foot-ball game. I have got a job up to White’s, an’ I won’t be back any more.
Yours truly,
Jimmy
Daly.”
______________________________________________
Page 2, rewritten
[her in
secret, because she resembled the heroine in that charming little play.
Fortunately for Mr. Gray,
his partner, who was a handsome, easy-going fellow, and younger, was away at the
Rangeley’s for a month, so practically, he had Will Wheatcroft all to himself. And
it was amusing to see how well he improved his opportunity. He often stopped to chat with her after office
hours, and one night she accepted an invitation to witness “Sweet Lavender”, at
the Museum.
As they left the theatre,
the lawyer caught a glimpse of his office boy, who was peering at them from
amongst a crowd of gallery urchins.
The next day he resolved
to tell his love to Miss Wheatcroft. Although he had seen but little of her
outside of office work, he was quite willing to place his future in her hands,
and he whistled lightly but a trifle nervously as he entered the office that
morning. Miss Wheatcroft merely nodded in answer to his cheery “good morning”,
and he noticed that she was pale and agitated. The boy was out, and putting
away his hat and coat, he stepped over to her desk.
“Miss Wheatcroft, Mabel,
if I may call you by]
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