Poor Girl

 

   Poor Girl.

 

 

“O, dear!” she cried, her trembling voice

     Full of a vain regret,

“It’s rained all day, I cannot wear

My bathing suit, I do declare,

     Unless I get it wet.”

 

May 25, 1904.

 

 

 

 An Arduous Limerick.

 

 

There’s a woman in Reno, Nev.,

For her husband lost all of her aev;

     She’s out there of course

     To procure a divource,

And will then live a life that is hev.

 

 

(undated)

 

 

The Mason Street Engine House

The Mason Street Engine House

 

 

Don’t move the engine house away

     From good old Mason Street;

Nay, nay, good neighbors, let it stay

     To make our lives complete.

It is a landmark, old and rare,

     Historical and dear;

Disturb it not, but leave it there,

     Our daily lives to cheer.

 

You would not move the Common, sires,

     Nor Bunker Hill, I say?

Then let the King of Boston fires

     In Mason alley stay.

O, city fathers! Spare our tears,

     Touch not a brick, I trow,

In busy days it’s quelled the fears,

     And will protect it now.

 

We would not miss the “toot, toot, toot,”

     Adown the winding vale;

We fain would see the teamsters scoot

     To let the engine sail.

Ah! Life would be too dull for us,

     Too tame and incomplete

Without the scamper and the fuss

     Along old Mason Street.

 

March 10, ‘10

When the Steam's Turned On

 

  When the Steam’s Turned On.

 

 

No more, no more we’re feeling sore, no more we fret and fume,

No more we sit with woolen mitt, in silence and in gloom

And wait to hear the click of cheer, excuse pro and con,

We live again like other men,

     The steam’s turned on!

 

No more we walk the streets and talk of plumbers dull and slow,

No more we rear and loudly smear, not knowing where to go.

No more we rail when prayers fail – the sun at last has shone;

Heat conquers gloom in Phillip’s room,

     The steam’s turned on!

 

Jan. 1, ’09.

 

 

The Difference

 

  The Difference.

 

 

A girl is a girl

     Until she’s a wife;

A boy is a “boy”

     As long as he’s “life”.

 

(undated)

 

 

Science Knocked Out

 

  Science Knocked Out

 

 

A good, old fashioned aching tooth

     By any other name,

If plenty stout, would be no doubt,

     A toothache just the same.

 

(undated)

 

 

Robert Bonefant, Hero

 

   Robert Bonefant, Hero

 

(Robert Bonefant, a French Canadian sailor, swam 500 yards through breakers to the shore of Turks Island, and carried a rope from the wrecked British schooner Alexandra, by means of which the captain and four others were saved. – News Item.)

 

 

Chisel this man’s name in marble,

     Hang a medal on his breast;

On the wall of deeds heroic

     Let his name stand with the rest.

Through the seething, angry breakers,

     Facing death a thousand fold,

Rock below and wave above him,

     Plunged he with a courage bold.

 

Inch by inch, now swallowed deeply,

     Now high on a murd’rous wave,

Hurled against the sunken ledges

     What is that, with souls to save?

Nearer, nearer, as the vessel

     Grinds and staggers on the reef,

Bonefant gains the ragged headland

     Midst a shout of wild relief.

 

Ho, a common, clumsy sailor!

     None of fame, and left unsung;

Let this modest, undecked hero

     Know the praise of pen and tongue!

Chisel this man’s name in marble,

     Hang a medal on his breast;

On the wall of deeds heroic

     Let his name stand with the rest.

 

 

Dec. 7, ‘09

 

 

Anxious Lady Speaks

 

      Anxious Lady Speaks.

 

 

I am getting nervous

     Seems so I would fly

Just waiting for an airship

     Ride up to the sky.

 

(Undated)

Ballad of the Gungywamp Detective

 

 Ballad of the Gungywamp Detective.

 

                                                      I.

Jim Potter allus hed a bug thet he wuz purty bright,

Thet he could beat a cat or owl at seein’ in the night;

An’ he wuz allus plunkin’ round at night, “becuz,” says he,

“I am a born detective, an’ I cannot help it, see?”

One time he bought a shiny badge, he got it way out west,

An’ pinned it in a showy place upon his soiled vest,

An’ then he wuz a sure enough detective, so he thought,

An’ ’lowed thet ev’rybuddy’d better toe the mark or they’d be caught.

 

                              II.

No matter where you wuz at night, or what you tried to do,

Jim Potter he wuz on the spot, an’ hed his eye on you;

He’d foller you o’er hill an’ dale, he’d circle round ahead

An’ be there when you hove in sight, with soft an’ stealthy tread.

An’ by an’ by the folks got sore, they couldn’t stand his game,

An’ so they planned to hold him up to ridicule an’ shame;

They said ef he wuz wondrous bright, and wanted to run down

A reg’lar case they’d give him one, an’ do the thing up brown.

 

                              III.

An’ so they conjured up a scheme to lead him in the night

Off to a lonely, wayback place an’ fill his soul with fright.

They talked uv burnin’ at a stake or hangin’ to a tree,

Or stone him up into a cave an’ end his misery.

Some druther throw him in the Crick, an’ tie him to a stun,

Then pull him to the shore ag’in when he wuz nearly done;

An’ so they hed a dozen schemes fur ol’ detective Jim,

An’ one dark summer night they planned to go an’ lay fur him.

 

                              IV.

They sent a rumor round the town, bank robbers hed been seen,

An’ knew thet Jim would be upon their footprints pretty keen;

So when he skulked around the bank, they grabbed him ha’f a score,

An’ threw him on the ground an’ roped him still an’ sore.

He cursed an’ swore, an’ threatened lives once he wuz clear an’ free;

“I’ll run Ye down,” says he, ‘although I don’t know who you be.”

An’ then they threw him in a cart an’ headed out uv town,

An’ muttered they might string him up or mebbe let him drown.

 

                              V.

Jim he wzu gittin’ purty scat, an’ weakened on the rack;

The men they looked ferocious with their masks an’ rifles black;

They put a rope around his neck, an’ tightened it a bit,

Till Jim beseeched ’em to let him up when he hed passed his fit.

They took him ’neath a big oak tree, an’ set him on the ground

An’ held a council there uv war in manner most profound.

They said they wuz a robber league, an’ worked all through the state,

An’ ev’ry known detective they would soon exterminate.

 

                              VI.

Jim watched ’em fix the hangman’s rope, an’ build the funeral pyre,

An saw ’em load their rifles up, an’ almost heard ’em fire.

He begged an’ squirmed an’ promised ’em thet never more would he

Work the detective scheme in Gungawamp, O, no sir-ee.

He begged so hard an’ plead so long they finley let him go,

An’ chased him out into the night a tremblin’ hulk uv woe;

They took his badge an’ nailed it on the village sign post, then

Retired to their peaceful homes, jest ordinary men.

 

 

Sept. 2, 1911

 

 

New Page Added

 Mother and Child - Verses for Little & Big Folks

New Page

 'School Day Rhymes - or - Youthood’s Undeveloped Fancies' added.

 11/13/20

Autobiography - Early added to 'Bios and Tributes'

Jocosities now published through November, 1910.

End of Jocosities columns published in the Boston Herald.

Jocosities now published through October 31, 1910.

Jocosities now published through September 30, 1910

Jocosities now posted through August, 1910

Jocosities now published through July, 1910

Jocosities published through July, 1910

Jocosities now posted through June 30, 1910

Jocosities published through May, 1910

Jocosities published through April, 1910.

Update

Jocosities now posted through March, 1910.

Update

Jocosities now published through February, 1910

Jocosities published through January, 1910

Update

Jocosities now published through December, 1909

Jocosities update

Jocosities are now complete through October, 1909.

Jocosities Update

The Jocosities column is now published through September, 1909

Jocosities update

Now completed through August, 1909

V.D.B.

When you have done a mighty deed

    You should feel good

And fame should put you in its lead,

    Of course it should.

You should get credit, wealth and fame,

    From sea to shining sea;

If not your own and given name,

    Then V.D.B.

Just think or Binns, and all the rest,

    The fame each wins;

With more than J.B. is he blest

    It’s “brave Jack Binns!”

Just think of gallant Theodore,

    “T.R.,” is he;

This mighty Russian should get more

   Than V.D.B.

Let jealous politicians scoff,

   To rant give vent;

Those letters three must not come off

    The Lincoln cent.

Nay, let it have the whole blame’ name

    That all may see

Enlarge the penny and the fame

    Of V.D.B.!

Aug. 9, ‘09

  Published in Jocosities, as ‘The Fame of V.D.B.’, August 10, 1909

‘V.D.B.’ are the artist’s initials.

For an explanation of the controversy, see:

http://www.pcgs.com/News/The-Controversial-1909-Vdb-Lincoln-Cent

Jocosities Update

Jocosities are now published through July, 1909.

Update May 6, 2016

Jocosities now published through June, 1909