Joe
Cones Krusade
A
Introduckshun
“immertashun” it iz sed, “iz
the cinceerest ov flattery,” thair4 if i shood C fit 2 emerge sumwhot in2 the
pleezin’stile ov mister ward i hold i wood B grately flatterin’ mister ward,
& knot in the leest abuzin’ him, aw takin’ from him that whitch he hath, aw
that whitch he did hath til he cood hath it kno longer. bi mister ward i mean
arTeemuss ward mi predesesser in komicks & kommerkallerties; him who wars a
displayer ov waxt figgers, lectchewer, A riter ov “goaks”, sarchasms &
witterchasms, and A i no whot knot.
every grate riter haz hiz
moddle, (knot A artis’ moddle if yoo pleeze,) whitch iz necessary & rite.
thair4 I must hav mi moddle, whitch onner haz fel like a mantel shelf on the
shoalderz ov mister ward. mister ward wars A grate riter, A grate thinker &
A grate filloserfire, awlso A grate exhiberter ov waxt figgers. whair4 cood i
git A grater moddle, A grater
master, A grater star on whitch 2 afix mi gase? sum doat on bill sheakspear
& sum on l. jean libbey, but i do’t, & i kno wars mister ward on this
mundane speer 2day he wood with joy in hiz 2 i’s take me bi the hand & say
in that musickel voise ov hizn, “here’s mi hart, mi hand & mi good wil;
foller me mi boy,” & i wood foller. i admire the ritin’s ov jollie old arT
moar & moar, & i kno that mi clostest friends wil B tickled 2 deth 2 no
that mi mantel iz 2 fall on2 hiz shoalderz.
i am abowt 2 enter upon A
Reform Krusade ov A most pronounced patturn. whot iz A Krusade? a Krusade iz A
kruse in aid ov sum staited thing aw objec’. the fires ov Reform hav bin
burnin’ in mi boozum for A long time, & now they hav bust owt. mi sole iz
intoxerkated with the Reform ideer, & i want 2 Reform every blessed thing
aw objeck in every blessed land (aw water), good aw bad; whitch purpuss i
intend 2 eccomplish B4 i end mi grate Kruade. a man.
kruse no. 1. the nearest
thing 2 man iz hiz apparil. nort kan kum betwean the 2. hiz apparel sticketh
closter than A bruther, espeshully when the wether iz hacht. the subjeck ov
wearin’ apparel iz afectin’ many peepul, & haz bin from time immemmoral. jennies
miller haz cort it; doctor marie walker haz cort it, & so haz their
orgeeunces. the up 2 dait bisickle girl & the bathin’ girl iz ketchin’ it;
that iz, A very, very little ov it. but mi Krusade agenst wearin’ apparel
ain’t, az yoo wil suppose, konsarnin’ the stile ov ramunt that he, she or it
shal put on or leve orf. Ney; sutch tork wood B tryin’ 2 take away man’s indy
penduntz, A thing whitch shood B severely let aloan. it ain’t for yoo 2 say nor
for me 2 say with whot cut ov ramunt shal our naber hide hiz altergether. Ney;
mi Kruse iz merely agenst the outrajus ajestmunt ov the price affixed on2
wearin’ apparel. for instuntz: yoo kan kover the upper haf ov yoor body with A
shert for twenty five centz, while it wil kost yoo 2 dollerz for A respectable
hed covering; (2 wit: A hat); while yoo kan kover both fete with A pare ov 15
cent hozery. agen: yoo wil pay fifty centz for A nectie& only 25 for A
gorze undershert. ain’t this outrajus? where iz yoor propershun? if it kosts
fifty centz 2 clothe twelve inches ov A man whot wil it kost 2 clothe 70 2
inchez? hadn’t it ort 2 B at the same propershun per inch? i leve it with this
grate amerryken peepul 2 deside.
yoors
2 wit,
Joe
Cone
Charles Farrar Browne (April 26, 1834 – March 6, 1867) was a United States humor writer, better known under his nom de plume, Artemus Ward. At birth, his
surname was "Brown." He added the "e" after he became
famous.
from:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laura_Jean_Libbey
Laura Jean Libbey (March 22, 1862 - October
25, 1924), was an American writer.
The highly popular author of fiction, her works were what became
known as dime novels. Today they would be
categorised as formulaic romance novels.
A Talk
About Technological Night School*
by Joe
Cone
I come from a factory where are
employed less than 40 men and something over 400 women. With all due respect to
the ladies, I wish it were the other way – 400 men to 40 women, for then,
instead of the 10 men out of that 40 whom I have brought into the evening
classes at the Y.M.C.A., I should never feel satisfied till I made it ten times
ten, or even more.
I will trust you will pardon me
if I indulge in a bit of personal history; made excusable perhaps from the
important bearing it has upon the subject. And I might add as a further excuse
that in all probabilities my case is typical of that of thousands of young men
throughout the country. Eight years ago I found myself in an extremely trying
position. I was a common, every-day-sort-of machinist in a large Cambridge
corporation, possessing a thirst for knowledge that would help me at my trade,
but not knowing exactly how I was going to get it. No one came to tell me, and
I was too timid to go and find out for myself. Very suddenly one day the
foreman under whom I had worked for several years left the plant to engage in
business for himself. This left an opening for someone, and the new man must
needs be familiar with the working of the special machinery in that department.
This position much to my surprise was offered to me, which I accepted with
considerable pleasure and no little amount of trepidation. The man who preceded
me had a splendid practical knowledge of machinery, but possessed no technical
learning whatever. In the meantime the business had grown and more and better
machinery was required. Faster and more accurate machines must be built at
once. The day of “guess-work” and of “cut-and-try” was past. In order to hold
my position I must have a technical knowledge of machine design and
construction, and that right away. I looked about me almost in despair.
Finally, more by accident than otherwise, I learned that they were teaching
mechanical drawing at the Y.M.C.A. I entered the evening school after the term
was well under way, but thanks to the excellent system of individual
instruction which was established there I could go ahead as fast as my ability
and energy would warrant. Being a machinist was, of course, much in my favor,
and it is no special credit to me to say that the instructor, after a month of
study, jumped me into advanced mechanical drawing. At the end of that term I
took the examination for advanced mechanical drawing and received therefor a
diploma. It was a two year’s course crowded into one, made possible only by the
splendid system of individual instruction established by the Y.M.C.A.
Although I attended the evening
classes a second year, that first year did the business. It saved for me my
position, and machine construction no longer was a matter of guess work. I was
enabled to save the firm hundreds of dollars a year in their experiments, and I
am proud to say that it added a 5 and two ciphers to my own yearly income.
I have been asked to express an
opinion as to the best method of reaching young men in the factories. In answer
to this question I should say, “do it through the superintendent or foreman.”
Surely no man in charge of a factory or department could be so selfish or
careless as to not desire to be the means of helping shape the course of a
young man in his employ. Letters, circulars and booklets that come through the
mails, while good, are viewed with suspicion by the average young man. He
thinks that while he might get something out of it the Y.M.C.A. will get more,
and he decides that he won’t be buncoed. The foreman is the man to get
interested, and through him reach the boys. All men like to be noticed. The
foreman likes to feel that he is of some importance in the progress of the
times. and a carefully worded letter to him I am sure would be favorably
considered. He might be called upon by an Institute official, or perhaps better
still, be invited to the building and be made to feel that with his
co-operation a certain number of young men of his acquaintance might be started
out upon careers of greater honor and usefulness. A word of advice, not
connected with the daily routine of the work room, coming from the man in
charge is always appreciated by those under him, and there is scarcely a young
man in the world who would not take on new life and courage if he but knew that
his employer was interested in him beyond a matter of dollars and cents.
Education makes all work easier, and the foreman who becomes interested in his
men and puts them in a way of securing a technical education is but “casting
bread upon the water.” To have a set of educated, progressive young men in
one’s employ is to get more and better work, lightening the burdens of the man
in charge and benefiting all three concerned, namely, the mechanic, the
foreman, and the employer.
I look with a deal of admiration
into the face of a Technology student who has risen to a position of dignity
and trust, but a deal more do I admire the graduate from the Y.M.C.A., for I
know that he has worked hard and long for his education, and has only secured
it by self-denial together with that splendid pluck which goes to make ours the
strongest and most progressive nation in the world.
The eyes of the great west and
south are upon the mechanic from New England. First, because he is the result
of generations of devotion to that most necessary of all branches of industry,
machinery. New England being the oldest manufacturing section of the country
our mechanics have the benefit of scores of years of experiment and research,
and son follows father in the trade till our skill and product is the wonder of
the world. Secondly, the educated mechanic is a New England idea. The young man
who has the shop experience together with the technical education that
institutions like our Y.M.C.A. provides, makes the best kind of a man for any
progressive employer, and the individual instruction furnished by the Cambridge
Institute, I can say from personal experience, is the best system of night
schooling to be found in the country today.
*Untitled, name supplied assuming that it was prepared for
oral presentation.
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