Avenging the Beautiful

(The movement for discharging pretty waitresses from cafes, because patrons hinder business through so much “jollying”, seems to be growing, and may reach Boston.)

O, shall it ever come to pass,

     That where I go each day

To eat, they will discharge the lass,

     And in that dull café

No more I’ll see her form and face?

     But in her place will find

A maiden coarse, and lacking grace?

     O, fate be not unkind!

Ah, no! If Helen be not there

     Where I have dined each day

I will not sink in my despair,

     But wend my weary way

To where fair Lillie throws the plates,

     And if she too be gone,

I will not long rail at the fates,

     But turn my steps forlorn

To where sweet Jessie trots the hash

     And lingers with her smiles;

Where one can eat and slyly mash,

     A victim of her wiles.

But if she too, be canned and in

     Her place a sorry fright,

I swear I’ll never eat again,

     But drown my appetite.

Feb. 12, ‘10