Gungywamp Fireside Tales (The Watermelon Party)

                                 I.

Abe Crockett called the other night to hev a little chat,

An’ dropped into a kitchen chair jest like a sleepy cat;

He seemed almost too tired to talk, an’ yit ‘twuz plain ez day

Thet he hed got a word to say afore he went away.

Pa passed the watermelon round an’ Abe he et an’ et

Until it seemed thet he would swamp an’ we would all git wet.

An' when he’d gobbled all there wuz, an’ et up ha’f the rind,

He settled back an’ started in to ease his troubled mind.

                                 II.

“When I am eatin’ melons, sir,” an’ he looked sharp at me,

“It makes me think uv good ol’ days, when I wuz young,” says he;

I’ve got some melons ripe myself, but in some uv the best

I’ve put in a lot uv pizen fur the watermelon pest.

So I don’t think they’ll be disturbed by anyone round here,

But ef they do I guess they’ll pay a price thet’s purty dear.

Ez I wuz sayin’, when I eat it calls to mind, by jo,

A watermelon party thet I ‘tended years ago.

                                 III.

“About a dozen uv us boys stole off one dismal night

To where a patch uv melons grew, an’ sure they wuz a sight!

Them great, big fellers, long an’ green, an’ fat ez any pig,

An’ round, jest like a ‘lasses bar’l, an’ purty nigh ez big.

My! How they cracked an’ rumbled when we pressed ‘em with our knees,

An’ how we hankered fur a slice beneath the ellum trees.

They wuz so heavy an’ so big we couldn’t lift ‘em, see?

An’ so we rolled ‘em frum the patch out to the ellum tree.

                                 IV.

We took a dozen, mebbie more, An' skulked beneath the shade,

An’ carved ‘em open with our knives, an’ what a sight they made.

An' warn’t they luscious, ripe an’ sweet? An’ juicy ez the dew,

I tell you how we put ‘em down the hull blamed pirate crew.

I never et so much before, jest bustin’ with delight,

An' never et so many sence ez on thet summer’s night;

But by an’ by the weather changed, an’ ‘twarn’t so funny, see?”

An' Crockett he turned ha’f around an’ kep’ a-eyein’ me.

                                 V.

“The ground came up an’ hit us hard, the skies kep’ droppin’ down,

An’ we hed feelin’s in our chests thet we wuz goin’ to drown;

The trees laid over onto us with all their awful weight,

An' then the stars begun to move an’ went an awful rate.

We rolled an’ groaned there on the ground a wishin’ hard to die,

While monsters grabbed us in their claws, an squeezed us hard an’ dry;

An’ by an’ by a lantern come an’ then a two-horse dray,

An' we wuz lifted on the team an’ carted fur away.

                                 VI.

“Next day our parents bought us out, an’ what we later got

Wuz wuss’n what the melons wuz an’ on another spot.

I never hev furgot thet night nor what the next day brought,

An’ I ain’t stole no melons sence, at least I ain’t be’n caught.

It is an awful resky thing, an’ dangerous,” says he,

An’ Crockett he turned round once more an’ looked right straight at me.

An' then he et three pieces more, but wouldn’t make it four

Becuz he said he didn’t keer fur melons anymore!

Aug. 3, 1911