“Useless Bill”

Why do they point at me with scorn,

     An’ call me ‘Useless Bill’?

I never wronged no livin’ man;

     By Gawd, I never will!

I owe no man, no man owes me,

     I’m fair an’ square an’ still

When I go ‘long the street they say

     “There goes ol’ Useless Bill.”

I take my pole at early morn

     No matter rain or shine,

An’ jog along down to the crick

     To that ol’ boat of mine      

An’ shove ermoungst the lily pads,

     Jest where the pickerel be,

An’ ketch a mess an’ take ‘em home

     To feed my family.

An’ people rowin’ past will ask,

     In tones that’s meant for still:

“Who is that feller over there?”

     “That? Why that’s Useless Bill.”

I don’t see why they call me that,

     I never interfere

With any work that’s done to home,

     I simply jest steer clear,

An’ let ‘em do jest as they please,

     No matter, well or sick,

An’ spend my time from day to day

     A fishin’ on the crick.

I’ve done this same for forty year,

     All honest like, an’ still

They’ve somehow got to callin’ me

     The name uv “Useless Bill”.

August 5, 1907