Miss Up To Date

                                                       by Joe Cone

She can shout and she can ride,

She can swim the ebbing tide,

She can gold to bet a magnate; she can tennis and croquet;

She can bake and she can sew,

She can paddle, she can row,

She can play a trout or salmon in a scientific way.

She can bake a Boston bean

Fit to set before a Queen,

She can bake a pie or pudding fit to set before a King;

She has studied all the arts

From astronomy to charts,

And both opera and ragtime she can grandly play and sing.

She’s a sport clean through and through,

But there’ one thing she can’t do,

And it vexes her completely, making life a hollow dream;

She is filled with deep regret –

She can’t smoke a cigarette,

And it takes away the glory of the whole blamed social scheme!

April 29, 1913

Sent from Hatteras April 30,

Wed. 1913