Keep On The Right Side Of The Cow

Did ever yew notice a farmer set down tew milk a frisky cow

Did ever yew notice which side he set? I’ll bet yew didn’t, I vow;

Fur skurcely a pusson outside the farm kin tell the right side to set

A thing thet’s mighty important to know, which no one should furget

I’ve knowed uv fellers to git it wrong, an’ set wit the milkin’ pail,

An’ cuss at the heifer becuz she struck him with her lively tail,

An’ then when he took a-holt to milk she turned him a somerset

Fur the simple reason he didn’t know thet side thet he’d orter set.

          Keep on the right side uv the cow, young man,

                  Keep on the right side uv the cow;

          Yew think she’s a shy an’ gentle beast,

                  An’ she gen’ly is, I’ll allow.

          But she’s mighty partic’lar which side yew set,

                  An’ she knows the why an’ the how;

          So keep this in mind, when yew go to milk,

                  Keep on the right side uv the cow.

Jed Wheeler, a feller in Gungawamp, his powers at farmin’ tried;

Jed wus lef’-handed an’ so he thought he’d orter set the lef’ side.

He tackled a heifer who wouldn’t stan’ no foolin’ uv any kind,

Tho’ ordinarily she wuz good as any young cow you’d find.

So Jed he grabbed holt his milkin’ pail an’ set himself down  to milk,

An’ smoothed her udder which shone ez bright ez any imported silk,

An’ Jed he took holt – an’ thet wuz all – they discovered him by an’ by,

But Jed hez never milked hefers sence, an’ yew know the reason why.

        Keep on the right side uv the cow, young man,

                Keep on the right side uv the cow;

        Remember the fate uv lef’-handed Jed,

                Who walks with two crutches now.

        A cow is a shy an’ harmless beast

                Ef yew never provoke her pride,

But she raises her ire, ez well ez her heels,

        Whenever you set the wrong side.

An’ supposin’ tet yew, my friend, wuz tryin’ to milk a cow,

Thet frisky young heifer they call “success”, pray how would you do it, now?

Suppose she wuz tied in a narrer stall, an’ waitin’ fur yew to set

An’ yew wuz near with yewr milkin’ pail, which side would yew wanter get?

One side is wrong an’ the other right, one false an’ the other true,

An’ whether yew fill yewr pail depends upon the course yew pursue.

“Success” will give down in flowin’ streams, with contentment on her brow,

Pervidin’ yew stick to truth an’ set upon the right side uv the cow.

        Keep on the right side uv the cow, young man,

                Keep on the right side uv the cow;

        “Success” is a heifer thet’s hard to milk,

                An’ frisky, yew must allow.

        But yew smooth her down, an’ yew say, “so boss,”

                An' she’ll calm right down, I trow;

        An' yew’ll fill yewr pail with the fruits uv life

                Ef you keep the right side uv the cow.

                                                JOE CONE

April 7, 1901