Good “Old” Journalism

Yew kin read yewr World an’ Journal, an’ yewr Herald, Press an’ Sun,

Yewr Chicagey Inter-Ocean, Boston Globe an’ every one

Uv them big sensation papers, but I am clingin’, yet

Tew the weeklies here in Gungawamp, “The Hawkeye” an’ “Gazette”.

Uv course they hain’t no cupon schemes, no big cartoons tur view,

No colored humor supplement, no kids of yaller hue,

But ez fur news uv Gungawamp, they hev it every bit,

While the great big city papers, why they never hev a bit.

It don’t consarn me any bit what Queen Victorie wears;

Whether she works her London farm or lets it out on shares,

But ef an ‘arly frost sets in I allus wanter read

How much the folks was damaged here, an’ ef they lost the’r seed.

I do not keer a pickeyoon what time the Kaiser dines,

Nor where he buys his cigarettes, nor how he drinks his wines,

But when Bill Holt, uv Meddertown, kills off his monst’us sow,

I wanter know how much she weighs, an’ what pork’s fetchin’ now.

I do not keer a hooter what time the prezzerdent

Gits up on Sunday mornin’s, nur where his washin’s sent.

It don’t consarn me any bit when ol’ Merthusler died,

But ef they’s bunco chaps eround I wanter be notified.

Yew see it pays a farmer here tew keep right up to date,

Espeshly one who farms it on sech a trermenj’us rate.

I’ve got an acre uv buckwheat, an’ ha’f ez much uv rye,

An’ ha’f an acre ‘bout uv corn, an’ taters purty nigh.

I’ve got tew pigs, a yoke uv steers an’ two good Jersey cows,

A wood lot an’ a medder, an’ a fairish barn an’ house.

So yew see I’m doin’ farmin’ on a most trermenj’us rate,

An’ it pays me, I kin tell yew, jest tur keep right up tur date.

An' thet is jest the reason thet I am clingin’ yet

Tew these lively village papers, “The Hawkeye” an’ “Gazette”.

They hev the news uv Gungawamp, an’ hev it every bit,

While them great big city papers, why they never hev a bit!

Nov. 06, 1897

B. Courier, Jan. 9, ‘98

 

 The Yellow Kid was the name of a lead American comic strip character that ran from 1895 to 1898 in Joseph Pulitzer's New York World, and later William Randolph Hearst's New York Journal.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Yellow_Kid

  

Merthusler – Methuselah, the man reported to have lived the longest at the age of 969 in the Hebrew Bible.