When Father Tried To Skate

When father searched the attic thro’

     He brought us down to show

A pair of skates he used to use

     Some twenty years ago,

He held them proudly by the straps,

     And said with much elate,

“I guess I’ll go down tew the pond

     An’ show ye’ how tew shate.”

So father put his cowhides on,

     And started for the ice;

He screwed the screws into his heels

     And strapped them tight and nice.

“I’ll show yew youngsters how tew cut

     A pig’ in wing thet’s great!”

He cried, and then he started out

     To show us how to skate.

He made a bold and rapid stroke,

     His arms spread parralell,

And then his feet went in the air

     And with an awful yell

He fell “kerplunk” down on the ice

     And cracked it far and wide;

And bruised himself from head to foot

     Until he nearly died.

We carried him into the house,

     And laid him on his bed;

“Please sen’ fur good ol’ Doctor Brown,”

     My father faintly said.

The doctor came with pills and squills,

     And looked both great and wise;

And said my father’s case was one

     Of too much exercise.

Pa saw a million stars, I guess,

     And likewise saw his err;

He let us put those skates away

     Without the least demur.

They hang up in the attic now,

     Abandoned to their fate;

And nevermore has father tried

     To show us how to skate.

Nov. 17, 1901