Abe Ganzey, Politician

Abe Ganzey lived in Gungawamp, way out on Willer Road,

An’ spent his days in calm repose ez everybody knowed;

He lived a good an’ peaceful life till politics crept in

An’ warped his unsuspectin’ soul in selfishness an’ sin.

Till then Abe Ganzey wuz a man uv high an’ lofty thought,

An' his idees an’ his advice most frequently wuz sought;

But when he stooped to politics, an’ wallered in the slime,

We shunned him ez we’d shun a man steeped in some awful brine.

Uv course we couldn’t prove thet Abe wuz wicked threw an’ threw,

We couldn’t swear he’d lie or steal or drink or smoke or chew;

We couldn’t swear he’d cheat at cards, or use his family rough,

But Abe hed entered politics an’ thet wuz quite enough.

Hank Martin met him ‘tother night down in the village store,

An’ twitted him uv turnin’ tail on what he wuz before.

He’d allus been a democrat, till nigh a year ago

He whopped to Bill McKinley an’ became Bill Bryan’s foe.

When Hank hed finished talkin’ Abe wuz at him, tooth an’ nail;

He sent the Bryan party miles an’ miles beyond the pale.

“Yes, sir,” said Abe, “I bolted, arter votin’ thirty years

Fur men who brought this country down tur poverty an’ tears;

I bolted to McKinley, an’ prosperierty an’ right,

An’ I am proud tur say so in Bill Jones’s store tonight!

I’m proud to jine a party thet is turnin’ all the mills,

An’ bringin’ cultivation back to these abandoned hills.

How wuz it back in ninety six when Cleveland held the chair?

I didn’t see a dollar bill movin’ twice the hull durn year!

My cattle died, crops wouldn’t grow, my corn house caught afire,

An' then provisions at the stores kept goin’ high an’ higher.

My wife she got the asthma an’ I fell down an’ broke my arm,

An' things wuz all tur rack an’ ruin all over my ol’ farm;

Then Bill McKinley he stepped in, an’ crops come on immense,

An’ things hez be’n a boomin’ roun’ my mansion ever sence!

I’m proud uv this ere party an’ I know it’s goin’ tur win;

I’m up fur legislater, an’ I’m goin’ tur pass right in.

I’m sorry fur yew, Martin, an’ I won’t say any more,”

An’ Abrham Ganzey chuckled ez he left Bill Jones’s store.

Now thet’s the situation over here in Gungawamp,

The folks are on the anxious seat, while Abe is on the stump;

How it will end I kennot tell, but this I kin affix:

Thet folks are mighty shy uv Abe sence he’s got politic’s.

Oct. 18, 1900