The Democratic Auction

I had a dream the other night when everything was quiet –

For I’ve been living high of late on rich McKinley diet, –

I dreamed I saw the “jimmecrats”, with faces long and pale,

Preparing in a mournful way to have an auction sale.

‘Twas on November ninth, you see, they’d voted and in vain,

And wished to sell their party out and never vote again.

Unless ‘twas for republicans – the Grand Old Party men –

The men who cry from pole to pole, Protection, Truth and Ben.

Dave Hill was there as auctioneer and clutched the mallet tail,

While all the leaders, up for bids, convulsed behind the rail;

For they had brought them in a drove, staked off a grassy plot,

And I could see Adlai there, with Grover and the lot.

“Bring Grover out!” cried David Hill, “and keep him bridled fast;”

We’ll take the cheapest goods at first, the best toward the last.

“How much? How much?” cried David Hill, come gentlemen bid high;

He’s fat and sleek – tho’ I’ll admit poor property to buy –”

No bids were raised, then some one in the multitude did shout:

“Why don’t you bunch the party up and sell the whole thing out?”

Then David raised his hammer high, his face both grim and pale,

And said the party as a whole was up for auction sale.

“How much then am I offered for the party, gentlemen?

Five, did I hear? Eight? Keep it up; don’t stop at nine or ten.

Fifteen you say? Fifteen, I hear, give me twenty, gents;

Twenty-five, twenty-five, twenty-five, once – twice – it’s gone for twenty cents.”

“Now bring the platform up my friends, we’ll have to sell that too,

And handle it with extra care, it’s old and rotted through.”

A dozen willing hands went down to raise it from the ground,

But ere it reached the speaker’s stand there rose a crumbling sound.

The platform of the “jimmecrats” had crumbled all to naught,

And he who bid the party off let loose all he had brought.

Then I awoke; my soul was filled with rapture through and through,

For then I found what I had dreamed was practically true.

Oct. 18, 1892

                (original crossed out in book)