On Brown’s Abandoned Farm

You’d orter lived in Gungawamp when Miggles come to town;

He wuz thet city chap who bought the farm of Cephas Brown

An’ settled out on Willer Road to farm it, while he read

From books on how to run a place with nuthin’ but his head.

He said he liked the country best, the city made him tired,

An’ jest a little country place wuz all thet he desired;

An' so he swapped his city home for Brown’s abandoned farm,

An’ settled down to what he called a life of joy an’ charm.

An’ life went smooth an’ well enough till springtime come around,

Till it was time to plough an’ plant, an’ fertilize the ground.

He tried to turn some bran’ new soil, an’ what you think he done?

He used the cultivator! An’ mebbie there warn’t some fun

On Willer Road! The ground looked like they’d been a hurricane,

With here an’ there a ragged spot in which he dropped some grain.

An’ when he planted beans he put the bush beans round a pole,

An’ sowed the limas in a drill, he did upon my soul!

He put pertaters in the ground, three hull ones in a hill,

An’ when they once begun to sprout they spread an’ growed until

His patch looked like a buckwheat piece with blossoms full ez thick,

But Miggles he wuz proud of it, it looked so mighty slick.

An' when he told us ‘bout his corn I thought we’d hev a fall –

He dropped an ear in every hill an’ planted cobs an’ all!

An’ we could see thet by an’ by things wouldn’t be so calm

Ez he hed proffersied they’d be on Brown’s abandoned farm.

He bought a half a hundred hens, the finest he could buy,

An’ watched them growin’ fat an’ sleek with ever anxious eye;

But nary egg lit up his gaze, so one dark, gloomy day

He sold ‘em back at half their cost becuz they didn’t lay!

He bought some steers uv Hiram Jones, which Hiram ‘lowed wuz broke,

But sarcumstances shortly proved they’d never been in yoke.

They were not broke at all it seemed, but Miggles wuz, ‘tis true,

Ez well ez every farmin’ tool he tried to hitch ‘em to.

Then Miggles tried to hay it some, an’ by the minds thet blow,

He let it cure upon the stalk before he tried to mow!

An’ when he gathered in his crop Hank Martin ‘lowed thet “Mig”

Wuz ‘bleeged to leave some hay outside his crop turned out so big.

Wall, things they went from bad to worse, an’ when his stock took flight

Poor Miggles he threw down the hoe an’ then threw up the fight.

He’s gone back to the town again, thet bode of sin an’ harm,

An’ now a sign reads “Place for Sale”, on Brown’s abandoned farm.

Oct. 18, 1900