An Old Maid’s View

I wouldn’t go an’ hev a man

     Jus’ cus he asked me tew;

He’d hev ter ‘range er better plan

     Than most ther men folks dew.

He’d hev ter court me ‘bout er year

     An’ allus hev a light;

An’ allus use a sep’rate cheer

     On every sparkin’ night.

The gals now days all want their beaus

     Clus tew their apron strings;

With lips ter lips an’ nose ter nose,

     Ther silly, giddy things.

I want my beau a rod from me,

     ‘Cept when he says “good night”;

Then only clus enough ter be

     Sensurbul an’ perlite.

Then when we’re hitched an’ on ther train

     I want no “tootsy-woo”;

But suthin’ sensurbul an’ plain

     Thet’ll last er year or two.

Maybe I’m gittin’ kinder old,

     An’ gray a little, too;

But then, a junk uv aged gold

     Is worth as much as new.

July 26, ‘90