When Jim Come Home From College

                      When Jim Come Home From College

 

 

When Jim come home frum college, wall, I allus hate tur say

So very much consarnin’ thet air mortifyin’ day,

But somehow in the evenin’ when a neighbor straggles in,

I ruther like tur rezzerect thet sarcumstance ag’in.

He hadn’ b’en home fur three hull years, becuz his letters said,

He’d ruther save the money fur his college work instead.

An’ Til an’ I wuz proud uv him, an’ scrimped an’ worked each day

Tur eddicate our Jimmy in the most proficient way.

 

When Jim come home frum college ‘twas a day of gin’ral joy,

Fur Gungawamp hed allus loved thet harum-scarum boy,

An’ off an’ on the “Hawkeye”, an’ the “Gungawamp Gazette”,

Hed proffersized thet James Bellew would be a scholar yet.

An’ neighbors sort o’ fixed the’rselves, an’ made excuse tur stay

When Jim come home frum college on thet long remembered day.

Wall, I drove down tur the station fur the local mornin’ train,

An’ waited fur her whistle with a sort uv happy pain

A-swellin’ in my buzzom, ‘cuz jest like a durn’d ol’ fool,

I wuz proud uv my investmunt which I’d made off there at school.

 

An’ I joked the station master, an’ I cut a wing or two,

When I heerd the local whistle – an’ she swung round into view.

Wall, a cussed dood alighted, but I didn’t stop fur him,

I jogged along down further lookin’ everywhere fur Jim;

An’ when the train departed I wuz feelin’ mighty blue

When thet idjut with the glasses says, “By Jove, ol’ bohy, how do!

It’s me, Guv’nor, Joimes, doncher know, ah yaas, ah yaas, ah yaas,”

An’ ef I hedn’t hollered he’d be “awin” yet, I guess.

I looked him over head tur foot, an’ eyed him threw an’ threw,

An’' when I found my voice I says, “by thunder, is this yew?”

“Aw yes,” said Jim, but I spoke up, “git in the wagon there,

I’ll drive down threw the “Willers”, not threw the street, I swear.”

 

An’ so we rode in silence home, ‘cept when Jim said, “Bah Jove”,

Ez Mandy Perkins peeked at him frum out the “Cedar Grove”.

But I warn’t much affected, tho’, till Til there at the gate

Wuz waitin’ like an’ angel fur thet doodish reprerbate.

An’ when I saw her countenance go down like snow in May,

I felt like thrashin’ Jim Bellew an’ turnin’ him away.

But mother, wall, she ain’t like me, she kissed him with a sigh,

An’ thought thet she could civilize him mebbie by an’ by.

The neighbors they wuz sorry, an’ they sort uv slunk away,

An’ the gran’ reception fizzled on thet long remembered day.

 

Yaas, they left us all alone with Jim, our college graduate, –

Where is he now? Wall really I allus kind uv hate

Tur speak uv it, yew see, it teches me in here,

An’ we ain’t seen him, hev we, Til, fur somethin’ like a year?

But then, he’s welcome jest the same, ez welcome ez kin be,

Altho’ he’s riz tur prezzerdunt uv thet university;

Prezzerdunt? Yaas sir-ee – fooled us good? Wall, I should say,

When he come home frum college on thet long remembered day.

 

                      

Oct. 5, 1897

Pub. in N.Y. Herald, Jan. 16, ‘98

 

 

Later, undated, typed version:

 

                   WHEN JIM CAME HOME FROM COLLEGE

 

 

When Jim come home frum college, wall, I allus hate tur say

So very much consarnin’ thet air mortifyin’ day,

But somehow in the evenin’ when a neighbor straggles in,

I ruther like tur rezzerrect thet sarcumstance ag’in.

He hadn’ b’en home fur three hull years, becuz, his letters said,

He’d ruther save the money fur his college work instead.

An’ Til an’ I wuz proud uv him, an’ worked an’ scrimped each day

Tur eddicate our Jimmy in the mos’ prerficient way.

 

When Jim come home frum college ‘twuz a day uv ginral joy,

Fur Gungawamp hed allus loved thet harum-scarum boy,

An’ off an’ on the “Hawkeye,” an’ the “Gungawamp Gazette”

Hed proffersied thet James Bellew would be a scholar yet.

An’ frien’s dropped in, in meetin’ clothes, an’ made excuse tur stay

When Jim come home frum college on thet long remembered day.

Wall, I druv tew the station fur the local mornin’ train,

An’ waited fur her whistle with a sort uv happy pain

A-swellin’ in my bosom, ‘cuz like a durn’d ol’ fool,

I wuz proud uv my investmunt which I’d made off thire tur school.

 

An’ I joked the station marster, an’ I cut a wing or tew,

When I heerd the local whistle an’ she swung roun’ into view.

Wall, a cussed dood alighted, but I didn’t stop fur him,

I jogged erlong down further lookin’ everywhere fur Jim;

An’ when the train departed I wuz feelin’ purty blue

When thet idjut with the glasses said, “Bah jove, ol’ boy, how do!

It’s me, Guv’nor, Joimes, doncher know, aw yaas, aw yaas, aw yaas,”

An’ ef I hedn’t hollered he’d be’n “awin’” yet, I guess.

I looked him over, head tur foot, an’ eyed him threw an’ threw,

An’' when I’d foun’ my voice I says, “By thunder, is this yew?”

“Aw yaas,” said Jim, but I, says I, “Git in the waggin there,

I’ll drive down threw the ‘Willers,’ not down the street, I swear!”

 

An’ so we rode in silunce ‘cept when Jim said “Bah Jove,”

Ez Mandy Mullenjay scorched by, awheel fur “Cedar Grove;”

But I warn’t much affected tho, till Til thire at the gate

Wuz waitin’, like an’ angel, fur thet doodish reprerbate.

An’ when I saw her countenance go down like snow in May

I felt like thrashin’ Jim Bellew an’ turnin’ him away.

But mother, wall she ain’t like me, she kissed him with a sigh,

An’ thought thet she could civilize him mebbie by an’ by.

The neighbors they wuz sorry, an’ they kind uv slunk away,

An’ the gran’ reception fizzled on thet long remembered day.

 

Yaas, they lef’ us all arlone with Jim, our college graduate –

Where is he now? Wall. re’ly, I allus kind uv hate

Tur speak uv it; yew see, it teches me so in here,

An’ we ain’t seen him, hev we ma, fur somethin’ like a year?

But then, he’s welcome jest the same, ez welcome ez kin be,

Altho’ he’s now prezzerdunt uv thet Unerversity;

Prezzerdunt? Yaas sir-ee! Fooled us good? Waal I should say,

When Jim come home frum college on thet long remembered day!