Mock Mince Pie

I know not what this weary world

     Of ours is coming to;

There are so many, many things

     We find, alas! not true.

We have, as substitutes for drinks

     A list that makes us thirst;

But O, the substitutes for food,

     That list is far the worst.

We have food products “just as good”,

     Or “better”, so they say;

And so the old-time relishes

     Have nearly passed away.

Mock turtle soup, mock this and that

     Now daily greets our eye;

But O, the hardest shot of all

     Is serving mock mince pie!

I’m willing to eat mock preserves

     Mock chicken deer or fowl;

At mock covaire or canvas back

     I will not really growl.

Mock beverage I will accept,

     And still keep on my hat;

But when they hand me mock mince pie

     I draw the line at that.

Dec. 11, 1912