The Wonderful Lifters of Gungywamp

                                 I.

The Cow Club set in Stokes’ store, ez they hev done each night,

Discussin’ pollertics an’ sech, uv which they knew a sight;

The gossip uv the neighborhood is sort uv passed around

Till “someone” hap’ns to come in when silence reigns profound.

Last night they talked ez usual the same ol’ program through

Till someone spoke about his strength – don’t jest remember who –

An’ instantly the subject changed to “liftin”, an’ the way

They waded through wuz a treat not met with ev’ry day.

Ame Green he took the speaker up, an’ says “I’d like to know

‘Bout what you call a decent lit, ez reg’lar liftin’s go.”

                                 II.

Bige Miller said he hed a ca’f he’d lifted ev’ry day

Until the ca’f became a cow, but really couldn’t say

Exactly what the cow would weigh, but would think thet she

Wuz ‘bout the av’rige heft o’ cows, ez nearly he could see.

Gabe Perkins said it warn’t no trick to take four bags uv grain,

One on each houlder, two in hand – he’d done it time again –

An’ walk right up his feed-house steps an’ lay ‘em on the floor,

An’ then he looked around the ring thet set in Stokes’s store.

“Thet ain’t no lift,” says Jonas Bean, a woodsman broad an’ tall,

“Ez liftin’ goes out in the brush I’d call thet purty small.”

                                 III.

“I never think uv takin’ falls fur loadin’ logs, not me,

I pick ‘em up an’ lay ‘em on the haulin’ wheels,” says he;

“Butts twenty inches through,” says he, “an’ thirty foot in length.

Uv cource it’s much in knowin’ how ez ‘tis a case uv strength.”

Jed Martin, he who builds the boats, he kinder cleared his throat

An’ said he never used a jack fur raisin’ up a boat.

“Uv course it’s more in knowin’ how, you must admit,” said Jed,

“Sometimes a feller’s liftin’ powers depend upon his head.

A boat thet weighs a ton or more is merely pie fur me

Ef I kin git my shoulders in exactly right,” says he.

                                 IV.

Hamp Culver hedn’t said a word, but he wuz itchin’ bad;

He hed a look upon his face thet bordered on the sad.

“I ain’t much on a lift,” says he, “but I kin pull a bit;

I hed a case a year ago I ain’t got over yit.

I hed a yoke uv steers hitched to a load uv wood an’ got

Ez fur ez my south medder when I struck a spongy spot.

The dum wheels went down to the hubs, them steers they pulled like mad

But ‘twarn’t no use, they give it up, a-puffin’ purty bad.

I got disgusted an’ I says, ‘I’ll show you somethin’ now’;

An’ turned ‘em loose an’ grabbed the neap an’ yanked it out, I swow!”

                                 V.

Hank Stubbs he said he never bragged about his strength becuz

He said he knew he warn’t the strongest man they ever wuz;

“But when it comes to liftin’ boys, an’ liftin’ fair an’ square,”

He says, I broke the record at the last year’s county fair.

They’s allus ways in boats an’ logs to take advantage, see,

But in them county fair machines they ain’t no chance,” says he.

It’s jest a straight an’ honest lift, an’ I was feelin’ great

An' beat the hull durn shootin’ match frum round thet part the State.

I took my coat an’ vest right off an’ took a-holt the bar

An’ liftd jest a thousand pounds, an’ got a good cigar.”

                                 VI.

Ame Green he wiggled back an’ forth, uneasy in his chair;

He wuz too old to lift, he said, with any lifters there.

“Uv course, say twenty years ago, I’d liked to tried ye all,

But seems to me a thousand pounds is liftin’ purty small.

It seems to me,” an’ Ame’s voiced piped like a pump gone dry,

“You fellers who’re so mighty strong don’t profit much thereby;

You say thet you kin lift a cow, kin lift four bags o’ chuck,

Kin lift a log upon the wheels, an’ lift a team thet’s stuck.

Ef you are all so all-fired strong, ef it is really so,

Why don’t you lift your mortgages, thet’s what I’d like to know.”

June 2, 1911