The “Gungy” Cycle Race

I fetched it home a-Friday night (unlucky at the start),

The slickest byke in Gungawamp, the pride uv my ol’ heart;

An’ as I locked it in the barn, a flutter I could feel,

‘Cuz Mandy she wuz sot ag’in my gittin’ uv a wheel.

“Horatio Mullenjay,” said she, an’ emifersized the “jay”,

Yew’ve be’n a-talkin’ bisickle now ever sence the day

Thet gal got lost who’s skirts wuz cut an inch above her knees,

An’ who you hed tew show the lane acrost tur Major Lee’s.

No sir, Horation Mullenjay, I think I unnerstand

Yewr case uv cycle fever, an’ I’ll take it right in hand.

An’ ef yew bring a wheel round here I’ll ride it, I will, yes sir,

With skirts tew inches shorter than thet city huzzey’s were.”

But in the face uv this wild threat, I bought it, as I say,

An’ went tur practice arter dark, when Mandy wuz away;

An’ with a month uv “bumpin’s” I could ride it anywhere,

An’ entered for the races at the comin’ “Gungy” fair.

I thought with tew good prizez an’ a good ol’ “60” kiss,

I would somewhat ‘sprise my Mandy, an’ destroy her prejerdiss.

Seth Bunker ‘lowed I’d beat ‘em all, he’d seen the others spin,

An’ ez fur bein’ in my class, they simply wuzn’t in!

An’ so I practiced, “off an’ on”, an’ all thet made me scratch

Wuz ‘at Mandy’d find it out an’ sp’ile the whole blame’ shutin’ match.

But I wuz safe, ez she uv late, hed be’n a heap at Si’s,

Tho’ why she lingered there so much I couldn’t much surmise;

But I wuz glad she wuzzn’t home, ez it give me time tur spare

Fur the practice which I needed fur the comin’ “Gungy” fair.

An’ when the day at last come round I made an’ ‘arly start,

Mandy goin’ off with Sirus’s folks in his ol’ apple cart,

An’ I wuz on the racin’ track a cuttin’ pigeon wings

An hour afore the other chaps got on their racin’ things.

An' when they fixed us all in line some feller says, “I swon,

Thar comes a wuzmum rider down the track with bloomers on.”

An’ sure enough, she bore right down an’ mingled with the rest,

An’ waited fur the signal when she started like persest.

Wall, round an’ round the track we went, some droppin’ here an’ there,

Tell none wuz left ‘cept her an’ me, she leadin’ ten yards fair.

An' all thet I could see ahead wuz jest a crook-neck back,

An’ tew black laigs a kickin’ off the distance uv thet track.

I pumped an’ puffed an’ did my best an’ laid right in tur win, –

I knew thet Mandy, ef I lost, would raise partic’lar sin –

But twarn’t no use, she wound it up full fifty yards, they said,

An’ when she crossed the line the crowd hurrahed an’ lost its head.

Yaas sir, she beat me fair an’ square, an’ I felt pretty quot

Tur think a gosh-durn woman there should beat me sech a lot;

But I edged up intew the crowd with ruther sheepish eyes,

Tur give my hand untew the one who’d won the “Gungy” prize;

An' she stepped out a-smilin’ hard, an’ someone yelled, “hooray”,

An’ I said “by thunderation!” ‘twuz Mandy Mullenjay!

Oct. 13, ‘97

B. Courier, Nov. 27,

        1898