Summer Boarders

No, I ain’t goin’ to take no boarders, hed enough uv ‘em las’ year,

Tho’ Miranda she’s in favor I ain’t goin’ to hev ‘em here;

They’re a noosunce an’ a bother, an’ I’ve put my foot right down

On this summer boardin’ bizniz, takin’ boarders frum the town.

Why, they fetched erlong their ponies, an’ their poodles an’ their cats,

An’ they hed their pet Angoras an’ their white, imported rats;

They hed carts an’ wheels an’ fussin’s, I could scarcely tell you what

Till the farm looked like a circus an’ there warn’t a vacant spot.

Didn’t hev no time fur farmin’ an’ no time tur think nur rest,

Ev’ry one uv them air boarders did their level best

Jest tur make me all the trouble they could hatch up night an’ day,

With their askin’ foolish questions, an’ their gittin’ in the way.

Some wuz bound to go a-fishin’, some wuz bound to take a ride

An’ I couldn’t do the two things an’ the other work beside;

It wuz naught but fret an’ worry frum sunrise till late at night

An’ I couldn’t sertisfy ‘em tho’ I tried with all my might.

Why, they took my lawns fur tennis, till they wuz a sight to see,

An' then golf balls broke my windows when they wuzzn’t hittin’ me,

All my medders went fur race tracks, an’ my brooks wuz dammed an’ flowed,

An' my clover an’ my red-top it wuz trampled instid uv mowed.

Ez fur sleepin’ nights with comfort I wuz nearly druv insane;

They wuz up till almos’ mornin’ playin’ games an’ raisin’ Cain;

So I hed to leave Miranda of’entimes an’ steal away

Out to the barn, by ginger, an’ lay down upon the hay!

No, don’t talk to me uv boarders hed enough of ‘em last year,

They’re a noosance an’ a bother an’ I shell not hev ‘em here.

I’ve jest got the farm in order, an’ my crops are in the ground,

An' I’ve got my gun all loaded fur the fust one comes around.

May 25, 1902