The Writer's Complaint

O, dear, my stories are too long,

     Or else they are too short;

Or maybe they’re too deep to sell,

     Or else too weak I thought.

The plots are not original,

     Or something’s out of gear;

Each one I write is wrong they say,

     Which fact is very queer.

What shall I do to make them sell,

     The stories which I write?

There’s something wrong with all of them,

     They do not suit them quite.

There’s only one way I can see

     To make my stories go:

They’ll have to change their magazines

     To suit my tales of woe.

May 22, 1904