The Average Boy’s Christmas Letter

“Dear Mr. Santy Claus, I want

     A warship painted white;

I want a cannon an’ a sword

     All polished up so bright;

I want a lot of soldiers, too,

     With horses, flags an’ guns,

An’ I would like a train of cars

     ‘At whistles when it runs.

I want the biggest rockin’ horse,

     ‘At gallops all alone;

An’ I would like a tooter horn

     ‘At makes the loudest tone.

I want a drum ‘at’s bigger’n mine,

     A pair of skates, I guess,

An’ I would like some candy, too,

     The awf’lest, biggest mess.

I want an axe, a box of tools

     To build a house an’ shed;

A kite, a wheel, a phonograph,

     A reindeer an’ a sled.

I want a magic lantern, too,

     A house-boat painted red;

A jumpin’-jack ‘at goes hisself

     ‘N’ a piggy in his bed.

I want a top, a bat an’ ball,

     An’ war books full of fights;

An’ I would like a Christmas tree,

     All full of candle lights.

O, dear, I want a lot of things,

     But I’m too tired to write;

‘At’s all ‘at I can fink of now,

     So Santa Claus, good night.

June 20, 1901