The Annual Mood

I wish I was a soldier man,

     Out fightin’ with a gun;

If I should sight the enemy

     Gee, how I’d make ‘em run!

Wish I was straddle of a horse

     With bullets flyin’ thick;

A soldier’s life’s the life for me –

     But gee, this rithmertic!

I wish I was a pirate bold,

     A-sailin’ o’er the sea;

A-sinkin’ ships an’ getting’ gold,

     How happy I would be!

I’d make the cap’n walk the plank,

     Whatever that may be;

An' sail back home with loads of gold –

     But gee! This jiggerfree!

I wish I was an engineer,

     Upon a railroad train;

A thousand miles of track ahead,

     Out through the open plain.

I’d open that old throttle wide

     Till all creation shook;

I’d drive her through to ‘Frisco Bay –

     But gee, this spellin’ book!

I wish I was a President,

     Or Senator or such;

I’d make a stir in Washin’ton,

     An’ talk to beat the Dutch.

Wish I was South, where it is warm,

     Or ‘laska where it’s cool;

Wish I was somethin’, somewhere, ‘stid

     Uv bein’ here in school!

Jan. 24, 1913