The Peters’ Turkey

John Peters and Jim were brothers two

Who quarreled sometimes, as brothers do;

They had not spoken for nearly a year,

And were growing to hate each other, I fear.

John lived a mile and a half from Jim,

Each had a family dear to him.

The women and children could friendly be,

But John and Jim were at enmity.

Winter came on, and the snow came down,

And Christmas grew near in Waybacktown;

John raised a turkey both fat and sleek,

And stroked and hefted him every week,

And planned in his selfish, lordly way

A mighty dinner for Christmas day.

His wife suggested they send for Jim,

Whose expense was large, whose income slim,

To bring his family Christmas day,

In the good old true New England way.

But John was stern and thundered “No!”

And watched his favorite turkey grow

With eyes aglow with a selfish light

That told of a mighty appetite.

The morn came round when John was to kill

The fattened gobbler which sent a thrill

To the breast of his owner every time

He thought of his Christmas dinner prime.

He entered the shed, and blank despair

Spread over his features everywhere,

For he found someone had come at night

And stolen his Christmas heart’s delight.

And he staggered in to his house once more,

A saddened man to his cold heart’s core.

Next day an invite came up from Jim

For all to spend Christmas day with him,

A beautiful dinner they were sure to find,

Of the real old true New England kind.

Now John was selfish and liked to dine

Where food was plenty and things were fine,

And dreading his own poor dinner slim

Consented to go and dine with Jim.

So Christmas day they were all on hand –

Jim’s dinner they found both full and grand;

The biggest turkey in Wayback town

And John was happy to sit him down.

Old times were forgotten there and then,

And John and Jim like sensible men

Began a brotherly love anew

That should last them both their whole lives through.

And in the midst of the joyous meal

Jim showed a mirth he could not conceal,

And taking a note of a recent date

He laid it beside his brother’s plate.

And when John asked what the bill was for

Jim said he owed it “accordin’ to law”;

He said the turkey they’d dined upon

Was the one he stole from his brother John.

Sept. 29, 1901