When Ephram Elocuted

When Ephram Elder wuz a boy in deestrict number three,

A tanned an’ freckled, awkward boy, ez humly ez could be

Dull in his books an’ slow to act, without no push nor grit,

Folks proffersied that he would wind up in the poorhouse yit.

Now Ephram Elder couldn’t read, not even fairly well,

He couldn’t figger out his sums an’ neither could he spell;

Was way behind in joggerfry, an’ in his grammar, too,

But Ephram he could speak a piece ez none the rest could do.

He’d take up “Barbara Frietchie” an’ he knew it word for word;

He’d speak it with a vigor an’ a style yew ne’er hev heard.

An’ as fur oratory work they wasn’t none round here

Could tech him on that favorite, “The Ride of Paul Revere”.

But if he hed a special piece, in which he’d fairly shine,

It was “The Sword uv Bingen”, ol’ Bingen on the Rhine;

When Ephram Elocuted that he’d fairly raise the crowd,

And they would holler out fur more an’ clap him long an’ loud.

An’ still he didn’t seem to be no good in other ways,

An’ so he sorter drifted on to manhood’s sterner days,

Till by an’ by we heerd of him in some big Western town,

A-makin’ of a speech out there thet brought the rafters down.

There wuz a thousan’ cheerin’ men when Ephram took his seat;

He simply had ‘em ‘lectrified an’ stompin’ on their feet

“We’ll put him up fur preserdunt!” the shouted one an’ all,

An’ ere the great convention closed our Ephram hed his “call”.

My mind goes back to other days, in that old schoolhouse mine

When Ephram Elocuted there ol’ “Bingen on the Rhine”;

He knew that somewhere in his soul he had a tale to tell,

An’ someday he would tell it to the world an’ tell it well.

An’ when he got afore those men out west there I opine

He hed in mind ol’ “Bingen, Ol’ Bingen on the Rhine”,

An’ like the Eph of bygone day he let his soul expand

An’ hold the mighty audience within his single hand.

When Ephram Elocuted here so many years ago,

He wuzn’t dull, he wuzn’t thick, he wuzn’t even slow;

He jest wuz workin’ out a plan to make his future shine,

An’ he’d begun his great career on “Bingen on the Rhine”.

Sept. 23, ‘07

Rewritten as ‘Ballad of Ephram Elder, Elocutionist’

c. July 10, 1909