The Unkindest Cut

Alas! The rhubarb’s petered out,

     And huckleberries, too;

Blackberries have gone up the spout,

     And apples they are few.

Green currants, cherries, and the like

     Have come and gone, alas!

There is no pie-stuff we can strike

     Amongst the garden sass!

The peach crop is a failure, too,

     This is no grocer’s lie;

Whatever are we going to do

     For stuffing for a pie?

What’s that? You surely must be drunk,

     List to this heartless guy:

“Instead of cutting out a chunk,

     Just simply cut out pie!”

Sept. 4, 1914