One Hundred Cold Cures For Sale

We have 100 cures for sale –

     One hundred, maybe two,

And any one of which will cure

     A cold up P.D.Q.

If any reader wants a cure,

     One fully guaranteed,

For any kind of grippy cold

     We can supply his need.

Two weeks ago we stricken were,

     And friends and neighbors all

Brought endless “splendid remedies”

     When they came in to call.

And so we have a kitchen full,

     We ne’er can use them all,

And so we will dispose of them

     In bunches big or small.

We’ve syrups, plasters, pills and baths,

     And pellets white and black;

We’ve applications for the chest

     And blisters for the back.

We’ve spray pumps for the throat and nose,

     Old remedies and new;

We’ve swabs for cleaning out the pipes,

     And things to snuff and chew.

Come all unto the private sale,

     Before the auction day;

Let no man suff’ring with a cold   

     Unwisely stay away.

Excuse us if we can’t appear,

     We’re still too sick and lame;

“How is our cold?” O, well (“eschew!”)

     It’s just about the same.

March 30, ‘10